Module 2 – 2 : [Guide] Gaining Control: The Causes of Premature Ejaculation and the Real-World Ways to Fix It
This report is from my friends at www.prejaculation.com
There are certain sex-related questions to which the real answers are unclear—and perhaps always will be. For example, does size matter? Ask a random woman and she’ll probably say no. However, get one of your female friends to ask her the same question again on your behalf, with you out of sight, and her answer is sure to change.
The jury is out on the question of size and its importance in the sack, but it has reached a clear and definite verdict on a different sex-related query: does it matter how long a guy can last during sex? The verdict is unanimous and unsurprising: YES. It really, really does. As such, if you’re a guy who either knows he can’t last long enough or thinks he’d just really like to last longer, keep reading.
As you’ll soon see, premature ejaculation is a common problem, but one that often goes unfixed by those who suffer from it, but not, as you might guess, because fixing it is impossible. Rather, it goes unfixed because the sufferers either don’t know how to fix the problem or don’t make a conscious and concerted effort to address it using the best methods.
So let’s start at the beginning. What is premature ejaculation? It’s such a common phrase, but what does it really mean? Well, let’s get the other popular terms for premature ejaculation out of the way first. They are: premature climax, rapid ejaculation, early ejaculation and rapid climax—but they all refer to the same male sexual problem: coming too quickly. But what is deemed ‘quickly’?
Against The Clock: How Long is Not Long Enough?
There are a few different opinions in the medical community regarding exactly what premature ejaculation is and how quick a guy’s sexual performance needs to be before he can be classed as a rapid ejaculator. The most startling, and perhaps worrying, judgement comes from the Masters and Johnson research team, who did pioneering work on sexual disorders and dysfunctions from the late ‘50s right up until the ‘90s.
Their definition of rapid ejaculation was, and is, the male reaching ejaculation before his female partner does in more than half of their sexual encounters. So what does this mean? It means that if you had sex four times last month, but came too early three of those times, before your girlfriend or wife managed to authentically make her ‘O’ face, then you have premature ejaculation.
Of course, this definition of premature ejaculation—one which is widely acknowledged as being a good and accurate sum-up of the problem of coming too quickly—is especially troubling if you struggle to bring your partner to orgasm not just half of the time, but all of the time. Exactly how long do you need to hold out from reaching your climax if it’s guaranteed that your partner isn’t going to come anytime soon? It could all night, or all week. Maybe this definition of early ejaculation doesn’t feel right to you. So let’s look at it from a different perspective.
Other sex researchers have come to a different decision than Masters and Johnson on what defines a premature ejaculator. They say that if a man comes within two minutes of the start of sex, whether he makes his partner reach orgasm or not, he technically has premature ejaculation.
Hmm…is this better or worse for you than the previous definition? It’s certainly more specific. If you fall into this category of guys—meaning that you usually come within two or three minutes of having sex—then you shouldn’t panic too soon. Alfred Kinsey showed in the ‘50s with thorough research that, wait for it, three quarters of guys come within two minutes in over 50% of their sexual encounters. That means that if you’ve got 12 guys stood in a row, who have all had sex twice that week with their respective partners, that 9 of them came within 120 seconds of starting.
It sounds crazy, but it’s true. In fact, it might not sound particularly crazy or unbelievable if you’re one of these guys yourself. So that’s the second definition of premature ejaculation: reaching orgasm within two minutes half of the time. The first definition was reaching orgasm before your female partner does over half the time. Whichever you think most closely sums up your personal problem with premature ejaculation, the third and final definition is sure to be one you agree with 100%. Here it is:
“Premature ejaculation means reaching your climax before you want to. It means coming before you’re ready and before you or your partner is happy to finish the sexual encounter—simple as that.”
Perhaps that is the best way to sum up what is essentially a subjective problem. If you come well before you’re ready to, then you’ve got a problem with early ejaculation. So now we’re ready to move onto the next stop on the road to absolute sexual control.
Misconceptions and Misunderstandings
Being a guy afflicted with the problem of premature ejaculation is bad enough because of the main problem of not being able to last long enough in bed, but it’s made a lot worse by the myriad of misconceptions and misunderstandings that float around the subject of early ejaculation.
These falsehoods and outright lies cloud the issue and can make it much tougher for a guy to break free from the problem and carve out a new, more confident and long lasting sexual performance. So let’s quickly run through what these misconceptions are and do away with them. We’re going to separate fact from fiction.
Misconception #1: Having premature ejaculation means you’re sexually inexperienced
You wouldn’t believe how many people, male and female, consider the above statement to be accurate and true. Even some of the men out there who suffer from early ejaculation think that they have the problem because they’re doing something ‘wrong’ in bed or because they haven’t got the required amount of sexual experience to control their urge to ejaculate. So let’s dissect this myth and extract any grains of truth that may or may not exist within it.
First, generally speaking, the idea that a guy with premature ejaculation has it because he hasn’t had much sex in his life is untrue. You yourself might have had plenty of sexual encounters over the years, but always, to some degree or another, experienced a difficulty holding back from coming while having sex. Or how about the guy down the street who lost his virginity at the age of 28, but who—since his third sexual encounter—has always lasted at least 15 minutes before ejaculating. The long and short of it is, experience does not make or break a sexual performance. You aren’t automatically going to come faster just because you’ve not had sex that much yet.
However, there is an addition to make to this statement. It is this. If premature ejaculation has caused you to have far fewer sexual encounters than you would have had if you weren’t afflicted by the problem, then you have probably not had very many chances to practice withholding from ejaculation. This makes logical sense. If you only have sex once every few months, purely because you know it’s probably not going to go very well when you do have it, then you aren’t going improve your ability to have sex for more than 2-5 minutes.
It’d be like being unable to leap further than 2 meters when doing the long jump, hating that fact and avoiding doing it unless you absolutely have to. It’s a foregone conclusion that you aren’t going to get any better at it. One more thing worth mentioning is that if you believe that your sexual inexperience is making you come too quickly, then it’s quite likely that this belief will negatively affect your performance. In other words, worrying that you ‘don’t know what to do’ can easily make you actually look like you don’t know what you’re doing.
Misconception #2: Suffering from premature ejaculation means that you have something physically wrong with you
It’s true that early ejaculation is caused by extreme stimulation of a physical organ, the penis, but it’s not true that suffering from this problem means you have something physiologically wrong with you or your penis. It might sound a little nonsensical, but look at it this way. You have no problem becoming aroused, in fact, it’s quite likely that you’re very good at becoming aroused. It’s also more than likely that you can maintain an erection for a considerable amount of time within the right circumstances.
Your problem is that when you enter a woman’s vagina, to put it a little bluntly, you find yourself propelled through the stages of stimulation, which should last upwards of ten or fifteen minutes, in a matter of just a minute or two—or much less. This means that your only area of weakness islasting. And believe me when I say that if you can last one minute, then—with the right techniques and training—you can last five. And if you can last five, then—with a continued application of the most effective sexual stamina building methods—you can last 10, 15, 20 or, quite frankly, any number of minutes you like.
Alright, let’s sum up when we’ve so far covered.
- Premature ejaculation is universally accepted as a big problem and one that should be addressed.
- It is characterized either by the man reaching his climax before the woman does in over 50% of their sexual encounters, or simply by the man coming within the first two minutes of sex.
- A simpler and more accurate definition is this: if you come well before you or your partners want(s) you to, then you suffer from early ejaculation.
- Contrary to popular belief, suffering from premature ejaculation doesn’t mean you’re sexually inexperienced and, even if you are sexually inexperienced, you aren’t guaranteed to suffer from premature ejaculation simply because of this fact.
- Generally speaking, if you are an early ejaculator, your only problem is lasting long enough—it isn’t ‘getting it up’ or ‘keeping it up’ before you ejaculate.
- Finally and perhaps most importantly, if you can last one minute, there’s no reason you can’t last 2 minutes, given the right knowledge and training. And if you can double the length of your performance once, there’s no reason you can’t double it again and again and again.
So, if point number six of the list above is true, what are the techniques you can use to combat the problem of coming too soon? They can be broke down into the following three categories.
- The Mind
- The Body
- The Skills
Let’s briefly look at each of these three categories and a couple of the techniques you can use from each of them.
Most people think that bodies play the main role during sex, but in fact it’s our minds that control most of what happens (or doesn’t happen) when we have a sexual encounter with another person. The body, after all, is controlled by the brain—our minds rule our physical selves. Take control of your mind and you can take control of your body. Nowhere is this more useful or productive than when a man suffers from premature ejaculation and wishes to solve it. So here’s how to do it.
Reduce anxiety and increase relaxation
There’s no doubt about it: if you’re stressed during sex, your sexual stamina will suffer. What you need to do is realise that you experience anxiety when sex is initiated and, using special relaxation techniques, calm yourself down and steady your nerves. The top ways to do this are:
- Don’t rush into sex
To give yourself time to get relaxed and comfortable, try extending foreplay. Women sometimes moan about their men skipping foreplay altogether, so really focussing on pleasing your partner and being pleased by her before sexual intercourse can only be a good thing. You’ll see that after a few minutes, you’ll be much calmer and relaxed. Your partner will also be much more turned on than if you had just zoomed through foreplay and gone straight to penetrative sex. This will actually make it easier for her to climax quickly and pleasurably once you do begin penetration.
- Put past experiences behind you—they don’t define what will happen next time
It’s easy to panic just before you start to have sex. You can find yourself thinking back to past sexual experiences, in which you came early and ended the sex before it even got started. What you must do is forget about these times and concentrate on the present. Sexual encounters in the past are what they are. They do not dictate what will happen the next time you have sex. Youdictate it.
- Don’t bother distracting yourself
Sex is supposed to be pleasurable. So don’t do what so many guys do by thinking of math problems or gruesome scenes in an attempt to distract yourself from the sexual pleasure and thereby increase the duration of your sexual performance. This technique is lousy. Instead, stay relaxed and in the moment, but clearly focus on how much pleasure you’re feeling in your penis. As it gets too high and pushes you close to the edge, back off and relax. Continue to repeat this process, knowing that you are in control of your body.
Once you’re calm, relaxed and mentally focussed, you are free to initiate penetrative sex. Enter her slowly and don’t rush straight into fast, pounding strokes. Many men do this because they want to use the time they have ‘wisely’. Of course, it is a big mistake. Begin slowly and sensually—your partner will appreciate it. It gives her a chance to become properly aroused and ‘ready’ for sex. Keep a close mental tab on how much stimulation you’re receiving.
Rank the physical sensations in your penis from 1 to 10. Do this every twenty or thirty seconds. If you feel absolutely fine and have no indication that you’re about to come, rank it a 1. If you start to feel an urge to come, but can still control it ok, rank it a 5. If you find yourself right on the edge, ready to explode, rank it a 9. Whenever you catch yourself going above a 7, you should slow down until you’re back to a 5. Don’t let yourself reach a 9 before taking action to decrease your sexual stimulation. If you do this over and over, you’ll find that bringing yourself down becomes next to impossible. So instead, catch it early and deal with it quickly. This alone will extend your sexual stamina by at least 30%.
What are ‘the skills’? Well, they’re all the things you can do during sex to pleasure your partner while at the same time control your sexual stimulation and prevent yourself from ejaculating too soon. Here are the top three skills:
- When you feel yourself go above a 7, slow right down so you’re barely moving in and out of your partner. Now use the tips of your index and middle fingers to rub her clitoris. Make sure you isolate it so you aren’t rubbing around it. You’ll feel the little bump when you’re on it. Now gently massage it. If you can kiss her while you do this, it’s even better. What you’re doing is pleasuring her, by kissing her and rubbing her clitoris, while at the same time giving yourself time to ‘cool off’. She won’t care that you’ve stopped intercourse, or slowed it right down, because she’s still being pleasured.
- The first time you go above a 7, slow down and use the technique you’ve just read. The second time you go above a 7, which should be at least a minute or two after sex has begun, enthusiastically say ‘let’s do…’ and name a new position. Smile as you say it. She’ll love the spontaneity as long as it’s obvious that you’re enjoying yourself. Switch to a totally new position and restart sex. This will add at least 4 or 5 more minutes onto your sexual performance.
- This final skill involves stopping intercourse altogether for a minute or two. That sounds pretty terrible, right? But keep reading. You don’t want to do this during the first 4 or 5 minutes of sex, because it’d be too soon to take a break. Instead, wait until you’ve done one or two positions. Then, when you feel yourself approaching orgasm, casually and calmly pull out of your partner and sit up. If she sits up too, playfully tell her to lay down again. Now shuffle down to the bottom of the bed and slowly starting kissing her. Begin at her feet and gradually work your way up her legs until you reach her vagina. Now, if you want to, you can give her some oral pleasure. If you don’t want to, you can kiss her ‘mound’ and keep working your way up. Do it slowly and sensually, paying attention to her softest and most sensitive areas, like the side of her torso, her belly, her breasts and her neck. Once you’ve reached her mouth, go in to kiss her…but pull back when she tries to kiss you. Smile a little, let her know that you’re teasing her. Then kiss her and reinsert your penis so that you’re now having sex again in the missionary position. This is seamless way to give you a short break from sexual stimulation while at the same time sending your partner crazy with anticipation and pleasure.
Coming to a conclusion
Everything you’ve heard is based on real-life experiences. You know it as well as anyone—coming too quickly is a nightmare when it keeps happening. It can feel like you’re missing a huge skill all guys should possess, but in reality you aren’t. Your skills just need honing and improving. And, as the small selection of techniques at the end of this report have shown you, this can be done quite easily, given the right knowledge and practice. So, make a quick and easy decision. Do you want to last longer in bed and are you willing to do what it takes to make it happen?
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